Thursday, September 30, 2010

Hey Control Freak!! - Want to Stop??

People often ask me, “How can I stop being such a ‘control freak?’”

The first step is to recognize that you are being one. Often, others tend to shy away from those who are being controlling. But those who are controlling don’t often get the message. It is much too subtle for them to discern.

After all, no dialogue is possible with those who insist that “It’s my way or the highway.” Neither is collaboration and mutuality.

Here are some tips and sure signs that you are being controlling.

You know you’re controlling if:
Ten Tip Offs
• You must dominate conversations to avoid feeling invisible
• You enjoy bullying people with your anger
• You have to be “right”
• You constantly feel “swamped”
• You resist learning how to delegate
• You seldom take vacations, and you’re proud of that fact
• You insist on being the center of attention, and if you’re not, you feel deflated and worthless
• You actually believe that no one else can do what you do
• You can’t trust other people to do their job or other tasks they have taken responsibility for, so you micro-manage
• People ask you lots of questions, because they are afraid of doing things “wrong” in your eyes

Once you can see yourself doing these practices you can then figure out what fuels them, it will make it a lot easier for you to stop. The basis most often is from your early childhood so think about what made you uncomfortable when you were young, that is always a good starting point for your development of a controlling personality.

Often people who are married to “control freaks” exhaust themselves trying not to lose themselves. Yes, the ultimate “control freak” controls by violence or threats of violence, intimidation, name calling, sarcasm and put downs. These, of course, wreak havoc on intimate relationships.